After the Storm... a Still Small Voice

I have to write something about a very humbling experience yesterday so as not to repeat the same offense and learn from it... and move on with a more determined resolution to become a better person.

The experience of listening to others thoughts and feelings about my gazilion weaknesses (magnified a hundred-fold) and how my bad behavior was a "let-down" was a truly painful and humbling experience. The last time I cried so hard was when my Mom passed away. Yesterday was "like unto it" - not so much but very close. And oh the wonders of sunglasses that could hide my exposed feelings after such a scenario.

To listen to people tell you what you could have done differently and reiterate your weaknesses is like walking into an open fire. All bullets are directed at you. And it hurts so bad. While receiving everything that is thrown at me, I thought of a scripture passage in Nephi where it says "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard for it cutteth them to the very center." Truth hurts but it will set us free. And it did! Having asked for forgiveness for the things I've done that hurt others, I am now in the process of forgiving myself and I actually slept better last night. Bitter may be the bud but the fruit will be sweet... (i forgot the exact quote but its something like that).

It may take a while to regain a good friendship, but time will be a good healer. I can now move on... with a more determined resolution to not judge others, to be more sensitive to others feelings, to be more in control and not explode, to be more open, to be honest, to be organised, to be more enduring, to hold on... and many others... and as one friend said (who took a bullet or two for me), "stay strong and never ever give up..." After the storm.... a still small voice....that I am not alone and that I am a child of God.