This is my wife's idea that I should write something on this blog that she created for us. I think my first blog should be short and simple. What do you all think? To begin with, let me first introduce myself for those who do not know me well. My name is Dennis Siow or just call me Dennis and not Denise. I had people call me that name in so many occasion, it even appeared in my birth certificate. However, it was changed to Dennis after 'someone' made that mistake. I was born in Klang, Malaysia, few suburbs outside Kuala Lumpur. I am the youngest in my family. I have an older brother who is older than me by 2 years. I had double blessings in the last 4 years. First,I am married to a beautiful girl whom I met during my studies in Hawaii. And second, I graduated from Brigham Young University of Hawaii in June 2009, majoring in International Business Management with Hospitality and Tourism Management minor.

As for my career, I am currently working for a Taiwanese based company, doing marketing stuff. Well, I have been there for a little over 4 months. It is quite challenging working environment because everyone have to speak Mandarin. They even have meetings in Mandarin. All I can say is that my Mandarin proficiency is like 10%. I have worked very hard to learn another language. I was kind of regretted that I dropped Mandarin class when I was like maybe 9 years old or less. And now, I have to suffer in order to get better. Do you agree with me? Maybe I guess.

Alright, as I have promise, this should be short and sweet. For those who are reading this blog, you can consider yourself lucky because I hardly write anything or do any blogs.

To be continued...

"...the people who believed began to be sorrowful..."

(3 Nephi 1:7-8, 12)
My scripture reading yesterday morning left me pondering upon this words in the Book of Mormon when the faithful Saints saw the unbelievers rejoicing because their faith was being tested. The lives of these faithful Saints are in grave danger if the sign of Christ's birth will not appear on the appointed hour.

I thought of the many occasions when I saw Saints whose faith are being tested by financial difficulties, depression, sickness, losing loved ones, and many others. They were sorrowful indeed "lest by any means those things (promises of great blessings) which had been spoken might not come to pass."

And then the next verse provided a clue of what the Saints are made of: "But behold, they did watch steadfastly... that they might know that theirr faith had not been vain." Their faith faltered at the sight of their enemy BUT they looked for their deliverance strongly and without stopping. What a great example of faith!

"Lift up your head and be of good cheer... and on the morrow come I into the world..." the Savior has spoken.

Dying Plants

I was in class and one of the student was describing a process of making a Chinese Tea and what are good/quality tea leaves out there in the market. As soon as I heard the word "leaves", my heart came out of my chest. My thoughts were, "Oh my goodness... I haven't watered my plants for 2 weeks!!!! Oh no! I'm so bad! How could I?"

It's been hot this past week here in Malaysia and the terror I felt for my plants was truly a "pure terror". I hurriedly drove back to our apartment and went straight to my plants. It broke my heart... there were a lot of dying leaves. They were just out there all this time begging me to notice them but my mind was somewhere else. I took the dead leaves and was talking lovingly to them, asking them to forgive me. I watered my plants and touched every surviving leaves. It is such a surprise to me that they survived all this while without water under a scorching sun.

While I attended to them, I thought of where my mind was all this time. Why did I forget? Well, this past 2 weeks I have been thinking and pondering about getting a dog (it's really because I am longing to hold a baby in my arms). I am thinking of what I don't have that I forgot to take care of the ones I have been given. And I wondered, am I forgetting Dennis too? I'm too focus on the things that I don't have that I don't take care and appreciate the great things that I have in my life. All I see is what is lacking.

My ingratitude truly was an eye opening experience. The general conference talked a lot about gratitude. I spoke to Dennis about this experience and I wept. I don't want to come home and find him withered away like my plants because I am there but not really present. I wept because I have forgotten my blessings... how truly bless I am for having such a wonderful husband who I can talk to at night in bed until sleep takes over.. and he's ever more present and aware of my needs. He constantly gives...

I am glad that I realized this before its everlastingly too late. I'm glad my plants waited patiently for me until I came back to my senses. It is such a shame. My Mama would be so disappointed in me - she loves all her plants - sings for them and water them daily the way she did to us (figuratively).

"Dennis... here I am. I'm here now..."

Cold and Broken Hallelujah

The first time I fell in love... it broke me. It was something I desired for goodness how long. I have spent many nights on my knees pleading for my Father in Heaven to let me feel that it's okay to jump "heart first" on this one. But everyday for a month of asking the same thing my heart raised to a certain degree that my faith was shaken. I felt danger... fear... excitement... and when you've never been kissed at 20, you just think "What the heck, just this one will not hurt!"

So I shut my eyes as I jumped "heart first"... I shut my mind to any reason... and I shut my ears to constant warning... and I fell... hard as humanly possible. I fell deep... and it was blissful at first.... for a while nothing else matters... for a while it was just him and me forever and ever. I was addicted to "all of him".

Then I opened my eyes - wide open this time and saw blood on the floor from the strong impact... my mind identified the excruciating pain and every fiber of my being felt it... and my ears heard what I have been hearing all along. And then I see my dreams breaking into pieces... I see a dark future... there's no "time and all eternity" in it... no Temple...no serving a full-time mission... no BYUHawaii... It was just me and a broken hallelujah. It was just me as an albatross to the man I first gave my heart.

And I knew I had to make it right... and I tried. Heaven knows how hard I tried. Daddy and Mama knows how hard I tried. My siblings know how hard I tried. I pulled myself right out of that mess I made. And it took me years to move on. And after seven years, I did. And I have.

The memory is still there... vague but present. I wish I had been wiser then... and spared myself and my first love "shattered confidence". To you my friend... forgive me for braking your heart that resulted in breaking my own.